Yes, Im still alive and I forgot about LJ.

No one is on it anymore I think, right? Now it's all Tumblr or Twitter.

In the throes of law school. Joy!

That's right

And it sucked ass! MLIA!

I forget I have this thing. Nothing new to report.....Manjusha is in NYC for doctor stuff for good now...im still fat. Yeah

For whatever reason, I have the word (or name?) "Stussy" stuck in my head, and I have no idea where it came from. Probably my genius, but you know...

Went out to dinner with coworkers and Manju on Friday which was awesome. We were in Berkeley and I couldnt find anywhere to pee, but we finally found a place. I let some cute guy in to pee as well, but I should have gotten his number...and then Manju found some chick's phone and we gave it back. Win.

Went back to the gym for the first time in a week since getting this god-awful cold. Now Im sore, woo hoo.

Man, I want to go on a date or something really bad. I want to meet up with guys, but I know I should, Im too damn fugly :(

Livejournal changed.

In other news, I feel worthless....I dont think Im good-looking enough even for a hook up.....

Ugh, 100+ fever, sore back, 3 mouth sores....and my mom is playing martyr AGAIN.

We were supposed to go to some botanical garden yesterday, but I got really sick unexpectedly and she basically got mad at me. I could hear her screaming at my sister all day yesterday. Apparently at one point she was cleaning the sink and sobbing. I dont feel bad - it's not as if I planned this, and how are you going to get all crazy like that? I took work off yesterday to go with you to the gardens, so obviously I was doing things to show you that I care.

So today my fever has gone done so I told her that Im well enough to go to which she responded "Well you go enjoy yourself." Cool, thanks.

Now my stomach is doing back-flips. Ugh I should probably eat something

Oh hi 2 u LJ.

So anything new to report? Ummmm no. Going to GGU in August, which gives me approximately 1 work week off before beginning Law school...nice. And honestly, at least 1 of those days will be spent training my replacement.

Small claims people are getting nuttier. Don't know what it is.

Gas is expensive, what else is new?

My (sister's) DS broke b/c I played it too much...tears

I gave my taxes to my friend's fiancee to do because he wanted to and it turns out Im getting about $680 back! I guess I know how Im going to pay for my new DS...but it's a good idea to wean myself off, just so I can dive right back in lol

Kitty is still deelishis and trying to attack his snack bag which is inconsiderate "mother" left right in front of him

Still single and boring. I think I'm trying to be less boring, but after a long day at work, and not seeing my Mom/family and stuff, I feel guilty for going out afterward, although I do go out sometimes. Haven't in the past 2 weeks. Im supposed to meet someone for drinks on Tuesday be he seems like a flake so I'm not holding my breath.

I feel like I should be going out and meeting more people my age for dating and friends and stuff. I feel like Im stale, but at the same time, it's soooo much money for gas and food and everything that it doesn't even seem worth the effort of just hanging out and then being like well...blah. Honestly, I just want to hook up again with that guy from January.

Dusty needs to get his rocks off. The longest relationship I've had is with my right hand...and I think we need a break

Went to happy hour again with coworkers yesterday...yessss. Didnt "drink" per se, but I had non-alcoholic ones. Wooo

I hate Facebook a lot. It keeps updating me with Michael's shit that he did (the French guy). I wonder why I still try to be his friend. Half of the time we try to go and "meet," nothing ever happens b/c something always comes up. Or worse, he posts pics of himself or other hot gay friends he has, and not to be completely shallow (but I am), but goddammit. WTH? Why can I never have any gay friends that can be normal. I still have such issues meeting up with other gay people in a non-gay club/bar scene. Where are they? Where do they go? And not to any fucking community center/garden with all the other desperate elderly folks, thats for damn sure. I get so jealous.

I hate the rules that society lives by. I have a feeling as to why we never hang out. It's probably because Im as "cool" as his stupid Google coworkers or friends or whoever. I dont make a bajillion dollars by sitting in front of a computer all damn day. I actually help people and do things (to completely take the moral highroad here). But in the end, I still feel like Im losing out. Im still looking at my youth pass me by. Im still gayless, friendless, etc, etc, etc. But Michael specifically. He is so smug and French and patronizing I hate it. I think the worst thing is that he pities me and my "sad" existence. I dont need his pity or contempt. I just need to smack him back down to earth and take him off his high horse.

I hate these ups and downs. I can feel real good about myself on minute, and then something I see just triggers these bad thoughts and I feel like crap. And I begin to doubt why I go through the trouble or waking up at 4:30am to go to the gym, and for what? Thats great that Im turning my fat into something slightly useful, but the intended goal honestly, to make myself more appealing to guys, doesnt seem to be working. I guess Im still just as fat and stupid and ugly as I was when I was in high school. Or something. Something is just not right here.

And law school. I just want to know if Ive been rejected from anywhere else for the love of god. And the thing is, Im probably not going to move for law school. I can anticipate 3 more years of living at home...so much the beginning of a new life. A renaissance that never was. There is always the distinction between what I WANT and what I NEED. I NEED to save money and doing that means living at home, even if I WANT to move out so desperately. I hate this.

Am I forever designated to be the one who is left behind? Im always the one who gets picked last. And when it's finally my turn, it all means nothing. It means nothing at all. Well, at least Im not bitter about it

I got in